Everybody Loves Duncan Torture
by Red Witch
Summary: Another 'I Hate New People' Outtake. This one's a fan request! The Misfits make Duncan pay for his treatment of Jean in the chapter 'Day by Day'.


**The disclaimer telling you that I don't own certain characters has been obliterated. Well so many fans of 'I Hate New People' wanted to see some Duncan torture after reading the chapter 'Day by Day', I just had to oblige them! Okay I wanted an excuse to do so anyway! It's such fun! I guess it's true…**

**Everybody Loves Duncan Torture**

"Stupid mutants," Duncan grumbled as he left for work. "Because of them I had to get a job in the mines, and start it early so I could pay for my new car! Good thing Dad allowed me to borrow one of his until…" He stopped and looked at it. "MY CAR!" 

The car was covered in duct tape and chicken feathers. Its wheels were gone and the message MUTANTS STRIKE BACK was written on the hood. "THOSE FREAKS TRASHED MY CAR AGAIN!" Duncan screamed. He picked up his cell phone and tried to call the police. "Hello! Police! Hello? What the heck…? Why am I getting polka music on my cell phone? Crap! I have to go into the house and…" He went inside. "WHAT'S THAT SMELL? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" 

************************************************************************

"Okay let's go over the list," Todd looked at a huge list gathered around. "Trash Duncan's car?"

"Check," Lance grinned.

"Stick several skunks in Duncan's apartment?" Todd asked.

"Oh yeah," Pietro cackled. "Fresh from the county zoo!" 

"Open jar of mayo in the ventilator shafts?" Todd called out.

"Check," Fred grinned. "I got some especially rancid ones from BA's storage. Don't ask why he was keeping them. Then had Trinity teleport 'em to the proper spots." 

"I also take it Trinity took care of incapacitating his cell phone?" Xi asked. 

"Bingo!" The Triplets laughed. 

"Extra beer cans all over the apartment?" Todd asked.

"Got it," Xi grinned. 

"Put laxatives in his drinks?" Todd asked. 

"Did that too," Pietro grinned. 

"Super glue on the toilet," Todd snickered. "That was me."

"An inspired idea if I do say so," Xi grinned.

"Thank you Xi," Todd smiled. "Hey Arcade how's it coming on Duncan's bank account?"

"Got it!" Arcade was at his computer. "God these bank records are so easy to fix! The firewalls were non existent! They might as well used a stick of gum!" 

"So what did you do with all his cash?" Lance asked.

"Let's just say the Red Cross got a nice donation," Arcade giggled. 

"Oh they do such good work," Fred nodded. "How nice of Duncan to give them all his money." 

"What's in your wallet?" Arcade cackled. "NOTHING! NOTHING!" 

"I take it you are not exactly a big fan of Duncan Matthews either huh?" Lance asked.

"Let me put it to you this way," Arcade grinned. "There's a reason that Matthews always managed to get an F in gym even though he was on the football team. Not to mention low scores in all his other classes! YOU HEAR THAT LOSER! THAT'S RIGHT! LO-SERRRRRRRRRR! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" 

"It's nice to see that those anger management sessions you have with Psyche-Out are working," Lance quipped.

"NEWSFLASH! WHEN IT COMES TO JOCKS VS. GEEKS, GEEKS RULE BABY! GEEKS RULE!" Arcade howled in delight. 

"That's good Arcade," Lance patted him on the back. "How about some nice chocolate flavored Prozac huh?"

"Ooh! Goody!" Arcade took some from his medication pillbox. "I like pill time." 

"Well phase three has been completed," Althea and Wanda walked in. "We just got back!" 

"How did it go?" Pietro asked.

"Look for yourself," Wanda popped in a tape and turned on a television. It showed Duncan being rescued from his apartment by police. His hands were handcuffed behind his back and his pants were down around his ankles. 

"BUT THE TOILET DID ATTACK ME!" Duncan screamed. "I AM NOT DRUNK! ALL THE APPLIANCES WENT CRAZY! IT'S GOTTA BE BECAUSE OF MUTANTS! IT'S THE MUTANTS I TELL YOU! THE MUTANTS DID THIS TO ME!" 

"Yeah and it was mutants that opened all those beer cans on the floor," One cop guffawed. "Come on!" 

"Oh I love this!" Fred grinned. "I want a copy!" 

"You can see it again on the six o'clock news," Wanda told him. 

"I got the VCR set," Althea grinned. 

"I think those 200 bucks Summers paid us was money well spent don't you?" Lance grinned.

"Yeah but between you and me I would have done it for free," Todd remarked. "Just don't tell the X-Men that." 

"We won't," Pietro said. "Especially since Jean paid us another 200 under the table. You would think a telepath would know what her boyfriend was up to." 


End file.
